Sunday, May 31, 2009

Million Dollar Baby: Part 5

Have you lost interest in my long suffering, five part series? You can refresh your memory with these links: 1, 2, 3, 4.

When Aaron and I embarked on our IUI adventure we quickly realized that we could not afford the procedures for very long.  If it didn't work, we could certainly not afford to move on to IVF.  I was totally unwilling to pay $10,000 for something that only offered a 25% chance of success.  If reproductive failure seemed assured we would save up our money and spend it on adoption. I am nothing, if not frugal, even when it comes to acquiring babies.  Seriously, I found myself feeling increasingly more guilty about spending all of this money on the vanity of replicating my own genetic material.  I had always viewed having a child as a totally selfish endeavor, given the state of the world, and paying for the privilege felt truly extravagant.

Halfway through our fifth cycle of IUI, the money dried up.  Previously, I only needed one ultrasound to determine the size of my follicles and then the insemination would be scheduled based on those results.  When the doctor insisted that I needed another ultrasound in a few days, because I wasn't quite ready, I started to sweat.  We squeaked out another $100, only to be told again that I wasn't ready for insemination.  At that point, I knew it was over.  I scheduled the ultrasound, knowing that I had no intention of keeping the appointment. I was too embarrassed to tell them no.

It was mid-October (2004) and Aaron and I decided that the best thing to do was take a break.  We would enjoy our anniversary and my birthday and then the holidays would come.  The New Year seemed like a good time to start again.  It was an enormous relief.  I have never felt so light.  Neither of us realized until that moment just how stressed out we were.

Are you feeling nervous yet?  Have you done the math faithful readers?  Violet was born July 19, 2005. Subtract about 40 weeks and you will find yourself on the day of my own birth, which is also my wedding anniversary, October 20. 

That's right.  After all that ridiculous scheduling and sperm washing and humiliating hoo-hoo scanning, we managed to conceive a baby all by ourselves, with dignity, on the living room couch.  The combined power of my birthday, our anniversary and a burden removed made for some good times in the Heathen household that night.  I will say no more, because I know that my Grandma sometimes reads this blog and I don't want to give her a stroke. 

Stay tuned for Violet's birth story, which I will write to commemorate her fourth birthday.  That's when I will eliminate all doubt as to whether or not I will ever again play host to a fetus.

I don't believe in pressing my luck.

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