Saturday, December 5, 2009

We Call 'em Truffles, cuz We're Classy

If you've been poking around the interwebs looking for ways to increase your body mass index, you may have come across recipes for cake balls and Oreo balls. I prefer to call them truffles, because I try not to eat anything that has balls in the title, but you can call them whatever you like.  I mean, if you want to hand out carefully packaged gifts of balls this holiday season that's your business. I'm not here to judge.

I'm here to educate {snort} you in the fine art of making Oreo Truffles, for personal consumption (I highly recommend consuming many of them) or gift giving.  They are super easy, can be made with the slave labor assistance of children and require no baking.  Unlike other no-bake "cookie" treats, these are actually edible and don't resemble woodland feces when completed.

Begin by instructing your minions to disassemble an entire package of Oreos. Remind them that Santa is watching and will not bring presents to those who sample the raw materials.  This will of course lead to a revolt and said minion (and her little buddy) will retreat to the bedroom to make a giant mess.

After you've torn apart the cookies, feel free to weep a little as you throw the middles in the trash.  Trust me, it's the only way.  Put the denuded cookies in the food processor and reduce them to dust.

Go upstairs and observe the destruction caused when you neglect to supervise two four year olds on a day long play date.

Vow to enforce clean up time and return to the scene of the Oreo massacre.  Transfer the cookie dust to to your mixer and throw in a brick of softened cream cheese. Beat the crap out of it.

Do not be alarmed. This mess will not be pretty, but it will be tasty. Try not to eat all of it at this stage. It gets better.

Now comes the ball part. Clean hands are a chef's best tool. Pretend it's really yummy play dough.

Put these in the fridge for 30 minutes and get out about 16 ounces of melting chocolate.  Annoyingly enough, bags of chocolate chips come in 12 ounce sizes. You'll need a handful from a second bag of whatever you decide to use.  You can also use bark, but I'm not into "chocolate flavored" stuff. I like the real thing. I used semi-sweet chips, but white chocolate would be lovely as well. Melt it however you like and then dip your balls in it. Try not to laugh and shriek BALLS as you go along. If you are feeling festive you can sprinkle a little something on top of the balls while the chocolate is still wet.

Now, you have truffles. Put them in the fridge, quickly. Children smell them a mile away.

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