Friday, May 5, 2006

Violet has given me a glimpse of my future, while at the same time giving me a clue to the past. I'm sure that I am not the first parent to realize this, but it was bittersweet for me. Parenting is all about catching. You have to keep your eye on the ball, while at the same time moving to keep up with it. If you stop moving or stop looking, the ball will hit the ground with a thud. Violet is like this right now. She is learning to walk and only wants my help when she wants it. I follow her around, not touching her, but close enough to prevent her head from smacking the ground. Violet reaches out to grab my hand without looking to see if I am still there. She just expects me to be there. Then as soon as she has her bearings, she twists her hand free of mine. This is how it will be from now on. Violet will expect me to pick her up and set her on her way again. I know that's what I'm supposed to do, but it's still difficult. My baby is starting on a long road and eventually she won't need me to break her fall. I guess I understand my own parents a little bit better now. Damnit!

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