I generally stay above the fray on the topic of the "true meaning" of Christmas; fingers in my ears, dancing on the couch and humming Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. We celebrate the holidays in the most secular way possible. Sure, a few hymns bust their way into our playlist, but nostalgia and a good orchestral arrangement cannot be denied. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen can really rock the house when done right. I'm digressing.
We, The Heathen Family, couldn't care less how you choose to greet us this holiday season. We like 'em all. Everything is eat, drink and be merry as far as we're concerned. Too much commercialism? Bah! If you don't want to buy s*#t, don't buy s*#t. Hell, I make half the gifts I give. If you are offended by holiday music, stock up on groceries in October and hope for the best. Does the GAP make you mad by blatantly disregarding the superiority of Christianity during this season of wonder? Well, they'd love you to boycott them. It's great for sweater sales.
Or, or... maybe you just stop whining and eat some damn cookies.
Why so scrunchy Kelly? Why? The holidays never seem to get you down. Who peed in your egg nog?
I spend a lot of time thinking about, planning and executing our holiday card every year. Usually, I have my pictures printed by October, when I cash in my free prints on Shutterfly. Since I'm not going to be proclaiming my love for Christ with these cards, they tend to be funny. We're a funny family. The holiday card is our way of sending everyone we love a wee bit of our happy, goofy selves.
For Violet's First Christmas we sent this photo out:
Last year, I couldn't find a decent photo of the three of us together so I photoshopped this instead:
This year, we made a genuine effort to take a real family photo for our Christmas card. A friend met us at a park and started snapping. Almost none of the photos were flattering of the old married people. Violet could look radiant covered in her own vomit, but I am VAIN. Yes, I said it. I am vain and if I am going to look less than my best, I am going to do it with a sense of humor (the husband feels this way as well). Luckily, I brought Groucho glasses to our photo shoot. We all had a good laugh. We Heathens crack ourselves up. Apparently, others were not so amused.
Behold, the most offensive Christmas card we have ever sent:
It's ironic, faux vintage and utterly ridiculous. It is also a clear sign of our rapid decent into hell. We are being prayed for. True story.
So, I guess I need you all to tell me what you think. What is it about this card that is so offensive? Do we look like Hitler impersonators? Is it the yellow-y vintage effect on the image that is unsettling? Someone offered me the criticism that the photo is just "not Christmas-y". Perhaps if we had stood in front of a noble fir, festooned with twinkly lights this discussion would never have happened?
Ah, screw it! I think it's funny.
I hope you are joking and people aren't ACTUALLY praying for you and being so damned ignorant as to criticize your Christmas card?
ReplyDeleteMaybe you need to re-do your Christmas card list?
I'm speechless.
OK I'm not - I'm actually quite verbose :)
I think all three cards are terrific and from the little I can possibly "know" of you through your blog they are absolutely and utterly perfectly you.
WTF is "christmassy" anyway? I remember getting a card from friends in South Africa and their christmas photo was one of them with a portable BBQ on the beach - how is that not "christmassy" it's what they do at Christmas!
I'll probably say it til I'm blue in the face but the mid-winter festival pre-dates christianity and is a shared cultural celebration that (as most christians will tell you in our predmoninantly secular countries) has NOTHING to do with religion anymore.
Something me and the fundies can actually agree on for once :)
Sadly, MrsW, I am NOT joking about the prayers. The fundie in question also boycotts Target Department Stores because they give same-sex partner benefits. We've decided that next year we're going to dress up like Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus and see if that's "Christmassy" enough.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reassuring me. I shouldn't let this particular person ruffle my feathers, but I was genuinely taken aback by the notion that my card was somehow sacrilegious. I used to send out solstice cards fro cripe's sake.
Kelly- I am a Christian and I celebrate Christmas, but I am not in the least offended by your card. In fact I was going to write you to tell you before this how much we enjoy it and how it makes us laugh. I understand that you do not celebrate "the holidays" the way my family does, but is that hurting me? Not in anyway. In my opinion if someone is a Christian and loves Christ they would not condescendingly tell you they are praying for you, where's the love in that? Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteWell, I shared your card with LK and both he and I found them hysterical!! Loved them, loved them, loved them. But...what the heck do we know, we're a bunch of Jewish heathens over here. If we're going to hell, we'll all celebrate together when we get there. :P
ReplyDeleteExcellent.
ReplyDeleteI think that card is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI love your card and would be LOL if I received it. As for the praying person. I hope you expressed your appreciation for the prayers, saying "we can use all the help we can get to survive the crazy judgmental people we meet!" And I believe that person would be off my Christmas Card list.
ReplyDeleteI love it, I am not sure what is wrong with it (unless you have no sense of humor, which apparently some of your friends and relatives do not). Oh well, your virtual friends appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI got around this whole "photo of all of us smiling and looking nice" thing (which, let's face it, with two infants what is the likelihood that we can get a shot in which both of them are smiling at once, not to mention doing so while the rest of us look good?) by using photos of each of us all mushed up on one card.
That grinchy card recipient of yours must have a candycane wedged in a very uncomfortable place to not see the humor in your Holiday card. Not sacrilegious at all but FUNNY and so YOU!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mrs. W, perhaps your card list needs some revising.
WV: divas, Ha!
I love it.
ReplyDeleteWhen the girl was two, we sent a picture of her gripping a life size Elmo, like she was throttling him.
ReplyDeleteWhen she was three, we sent a picture of her on the beach, stark naked.
When she was four, she was in an undershirt and a crown, with a diabolical expression on her face.
And this year, she's riding a tractor.
I'm all about the untraditional card.
You need to not let that person bother you! I loved your card and it shows your true personalities! You have actually given me ideas to make funny cards instead of serious ones! Everyone needs to lighten up during this season. One of my favorite cards that I received last year was from a friend and it was a picture of their entire family making goofy faces. I am thinking about having my family stand in front of our Christmas tree holding menorahs since we celebrate both. Now that is offensive!! You can't please everyone so don't bother trying! Have a great holiday season!
ReplyDeleteOMG, I love it. I couldn't possibly love it more! I love the vintagey yellow. And the serious expressions. And Hilter didn't even WEAR glasses!
ReplyDeleteHope you had an awesome holiday!
Just getting home and reading a week's worth of blogs. I love your card and hope you had a Happy Winter Solstice. I've taken any mention of Christmas out of our cards, it's been a progression each year. Next year I'm going for Solstice cards - lets see who complains first.
ReplyDelete