Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day

This Father's Day, my generous gift to my husband was the interception of really awkward telephone calls. Call #1 :Laurie is my father-in-law's second ex-wife and the mother of Aaron's half-brother Brian. She is also a long suffering depressant and chronic alcoholic. Laurie likes to spread joy by getting drunk and calling us on special days (Father's Day, Christmas, Arbor Day etc.). Today, she was calling to express her feelings on the subject of Aunt C's death and to wish us a Happy Father's Day. Aaron was just in Michigan for the funeral, which meant he had to go to work today to make up for all the time he's lost. I normally try not to speak to Laurie. She desperately wants to be Violet's Grandmother and I refuse to nurture her delusional fantasies. Talking to Laurie gives me an opportunity to polish the age-old dating skill of avoiding saying "I Love You Too" without making it obvious. Today, I endured an unskillful dramatic reading of this morning's Ziggy comic strip (Ziggy was buying a stack full of self-help books). Then Laurie talked about the bat that was trapped in her house briefly and she referred to herself as "the bat whisperer". When she started taking the trip down morose memory lane I began describing a nutritious meal that needed my attention on the stove and got off the phone. Call #2: While I was wishing my Dad a happy day, the other phone rang and went to the machine and then rang again and again. That phone call ended up being from Aaron's childhood friend and frequent heroin junkie, Kim. She was just calling to say "What Up?", which roughly translates to I was depressed about losing my kids today and thought I would try to make you feel guilty about not being a total loser and ask if you could wire me 20 bucks. BEEP, message one has been erased. Happy Father's Day my love!

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