Actually, I think about having another baby every month on the 12th day of my cycle whether I want to think about it or not. The feeling is brief, but intense.
It drives me fucking crazy.
This month my hormones get me so drunk that I found myself staring at babies with a hungry look. I started thinking about soft baby skin and the tiny fingers and toes. I imagined myself nursing a perfect little baby and when I looked down at her, I saw Violet.
I always see Violet.
Her face morphs and changes and matures before my eyes and I realize that I am mourning her babyhood, again.
I was getting Violet out of the bath tub the other night and I was suddenly thrust into the moment. Time stood still for about ten seconds and I just stared at her face in utter astonishment. The universe went mute and I watched water drop from the end of her nose in slow motion. Just as I was getting a really good look at those dark lashes and tiny freckles, time sped up and she was a blur once more.
Sand through my fingers.
This was so beautifully written. And I can identify with every word. There are times that it's so hard knowing that I will never have another child and the memories of all the years past are fading.
ReplyDeleteI love that Princess is an only child and that she gets all my attention, but another part of me would love the chance to do it all again.
Beautiful post...thanks for sharing.
She was a beautiful baby (she still is)! I can see why you'd want another one. I mourn my kiddies babyhood, especially since they're only 17 months apart- it all went too fast!
ReplyDeleteI totally identify with this too.
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful. I go there every month too.
ReplyDeleteSigh... I wish I could say the sand doesn't fly faster as time goes on, but...
ReplyDeleteWhat a beauty she is.